Competitive Praying or are you really holy if no one else knows?

I admit, I'm guilty.  I sit in the front pew.  I do the things that make me look "holy", because that's what's important right?  That I should been seen to be holy by other peoples standards?  It. True, people should be able to see your faith by looking at your life.  That whole light under a bushel thing.  What I question is my urge to be seen to be holy by empty gestures.  Kneeling, genuflecting, prostrating yourself are ways to humble yourself to God, to show submission.  I think that's why we find them so difficult at times.  On the other hand, I know sometimes we do them just for show or because everyone else is.  That's okay as a starting point but if we never think about what we're doing or we become proud that we are doing them or worse become angry because others aren't doing them then we are missing the point.

We can't be afraid to show the world that we are people of faith.  On the other hand if we wear a giant cross on our chest and gossip and backstab we are showing Our level of faith and are actually proving to the world that our faith has no meaning.  I admit I am guilty of this.  Wouldn't it be great if the symbols of our faith would fall to the ground everytime we made a mockery of them by our behavior?  I would soon learn learn to hold my tongue. Luckily God will never abandon us no matter how badly we behave.  We have to depend our conscience if we ever actually consult it.

The big question I have is this, do I want to get to church early in the morning to be "first" or because I need solitude with God to start my day?  I hope it's because I need God.  I am going to try something.  Instead of getting up eating breakfast getting ready for work and then going to the church where I can be found to be there first, I am going to get up get dressed, go to church for my God time and then go home and get ready for work and go back to church later for Morning prayer.  That way I can be in the real presence of God and no one will see.  I am blogging about so anyone who reads this will know but you don't know me so I don't think that counts.  If I backslide and get there later and later then I know I just wanted to be seen but if I keep doing it without anyone knowing then maybe I am making progress in my spiritual life.

I am a Sinner!

I am a sinner!  And I am confident in what I say.  I rejoice not in my sin, but I rejoice because I know God and I know that I need Him and that He has mercy on me.  I don't have to justify my sins because I, myself, can not keep from sinning.  I can try to do better, but I will never be free from sin until I am united with my Master and Savior.  The best thing is that I know He loves me, unconditionally.  Love, like faith, can not be seen or measured but I have both in abundance.  He is there in front of me and so is His love.  He leads me and guides me.  In Himall is possible.  In Him is all joy and all love and all security.  He takes care of stupid sinners like me!  I wouldn't want to be wise and powerful, I wouldn't want to not need Him.  I don't need anything they tell me I need.  He knows what I need and He gives it to me.

Becoming me

My Lord, my God, my King, my Beloved, help me Dear Savior to become more me. You made me, so whatever I am is good, as long as I am what You created me to be.  Help me, Dear Lord to envision my world, my being, as You created me to be.  How my King should I react with Love at this moment to those who hurt me? Teach me to love myself and not to worry about what others think of me.  Help me to be bold in my love for You and all You have created.  Teach me to love others where they are while encouraging us both to grow.  Show me how to respond to hatred with love.  Help me remember that people's reactions say more about themselves then they do me and I can not change them, only myself and how I react to others.  My King, I know that changing my life, becoming who you created me to be will bring joy and fulfillment to my life.  It will fill my life with color and whimsy, which is how you made me.  You have called me not to be alone and isolated but part of a community.  I know that this means conflict and disagreements but it also means love and companionship.  Teach me not to run away when it gets hard but to realize that the difficulty just shows me it is worth it.

A Beautiful day for Prayer

Today is a beautiful day for prayer.  Not that any day is a bad day for prayer, but today is particularly good.  It isn't hot, the sky is blue,the birds are singing, and there are butterflies.  Butterflies remind me of angels.

My Lord, Mt God, my King, my Savior, my Beloved, it is good to praise you at all times but today it is so easy.  The sunsines and all is right but who knows what tomorrow brings.  Help me Dear  Savior to carry this day in my heart so that I can remember it when my life crowds in on me again and I can't see Your light.  Make my heart steadfast in those times when I feel I am alone so that I remember You are there with me.  Your wind is at my back even when the air is still as long as I go with your will.  There are times like now when I feel You with me, I can almost see You.  In those times when I think I have lost You, You are still there and I am gone.  In the dark of my mind I can't see Your light but if I remember today, I'll know.  I am blind but being blind to the does make the world dark.  

Silly me, how often I forget that closing my eyes doesnt turn off the Light.  I titled my Blog I Believe in Life meaning it to be a prolife blog, and it still is, but I want to expand it some.  I plan to write more about my faith and my struggles with my faith and what it means to my life.  This next year was proclaimed by Pope Benedict to be the Year of Faith and is calling us to share our faith and the reason for our faith.  We should all be prepared to share the reason for our faith with others.  We are going to have to go door to door (thank goodness!) but frankly in having to think about it our faith will be deepened and purified.  Only then can we attract back our brothers and sisters in faith.

Blessed, broken,and shared

A friend mentioned that phrase to me on Saturday, that we are called by the Eucharist to be like Christ and so we are to be, Blessed, Broken, and Shared.  We are all these things but sometimes we are more one than another.  We don't have option to simply stay at blessed and we shouldn't skip to shared without being broken.

In the upcoming Year of Faith we are called to be shared.  While sharing how we are blessed might appeal to us, how we were broken and still had faith may be more powerful to the new evangelization.  How as someone who was broken we were also blessed is probably a better was to attract those who have strayed from the Church to come back.  They need to know that they too have a place in our church family and that we know their pain.

I am broken.  I am a recovering addict who whenever I think I have it all figured out I am reminded that I don't.  I have been clean for 15 years.  Jesus in that ime has become my friend, my savior, and my love.  Without Him I know that I wouldn't be as whole as I am.  Without the Church and it's Sacraments I don't think I could have survived.  As an addit I need Confession, without it shame builds up in my life and I am in danger of relapse.  God is truly my All in All.  Without being broken I wouldn't have known I needed God and in needing God I came to truly live.

Now that I have been Blessed and Broken I am obligated to Share.  I must share my time and talent but I must share also my reason for believing.  That at a time when I was at my lowest I knew He was there and when He knew I was ready he called my name, called me back.  He showed me His love and invited me to join His family.  Like the rest of the family I am imperfect but that just means we all fit in.  We all can enter the door of faith.

I've got work to do

I've got work to do on myself. I need to make sure that the Pro-Life movement doesn't get a black eye because of me. I need to make sure that no one thinks of me when they think of Catholics as not the "Good Guys". Sometimes we think that we are on the right side so everything we do is okay, but really being on the right side means we have to be even better. We have to convince everyone else that we aren't doing this to spoil their fun or to punish anyone for sinning. We have to recognize and admit our own sinfulness and our own past mistakes. We need to correct those in the Prolife movement who are elitist, racist, judgemental, uncharitable, or just plain mean. Above all we have to do all we do with love, true love where we wish all others to be with us in heaven. We have to be strong and we have to live our faith in our everyday lives. I have a lot to do and I will start with prayer.

January is Right to Life Month

I was so disappointed to hear someone today say that Right to Life wants to hurt women and take away their rights. I guess conversely then the other side would be helping women? How can they help women by refusing to give them information and denying that women might regret the abortions they had? Do they think it is more helpful to a woman to lead her to believe that her only option is to kill her baby? Would it be more helpful to a woman to give her the help she needs to bring her baby to term and to change society so that she is congratulated for the self sacrifice of bringing an unwanted pregnancy to term and giving the child up if that is her wish? We should support these women financially. If we are going to have government supported healthcare, it should pay the birthing costs for all women. Conservatives, put your money where your mouth is. If you want a woman to not abort her child, help her do it. Liberals, help the poor and disadvantaged by giving them an equal chance at life. Stop the genocide in America. Just because the bodies don't line the streets doesn't mean we aren't preferencially killing minority infants in the womb.