The Way of the Cross - Who am I?

In meditating on the Way of the Cross today, I thought about all the people who were there and who am I in that crowd.  You have the crowd itself, noisy, enjoying the spectacle, yelling and not thinking.  When am I these people?  I am them when I go along with the crowd, when I don't really think about what is going on I don't think about what I am doing to those who are effected.  When I am racist or prejudice, I am part of the crowd jeering at Christ.  I am not thinking, just going along with everyone else.  I am not loving at that moment and I dont even realize it.  I am enjoying myself, feeling smug and happy I am not the person being whipped.  I am part of the crowd when I gossip.  I don't know why the person I see is being whipped but I am glad it isn't me and I encourage those around me to focus on the one whipped so they don't turn and see me.  When I am part of the crowd no one can pick me out, I can act and no one can point to me and say it her, she did it, I am invisible.

When am I a Roman Soldier?  When I don't care about anyone but myself.  I have a job to do and it has to be done, I don't care how it effects you.  I can hide behind following orders.  At work this is when I say I am just following policy.  I could listen to you and have sympathy for you but I am tired and I just want to get my job done.  I am a Roman Soldier when I lash out at someone, especially physically.  I just want to get this done, I don't want to listen to you!  I want to get home so I cut you off in traffic.  I want you to go to bed so I don't spank you for asking questions.

When am I Simon?  When I do what I know I should do, but only reluctantly.  When I don't ask if I can help but wait until you can't do without me.  I am one of the women of Jerusalem when I cry over the death of some one killed but don't do look at the reasons behind it.  I can cry over those killed by the death penalty but I don't see the racism behind it and work to Ed that then I am a woman of Jerusalem.

I am Joseph and Nicodemus when I hide my faith around those who do not believe.  When I don't speak up and I do give witness.  I am the Pharasees when care more about the rules than I do for people.  When I pride myself on my observances and forget to do good works.

When I walk the way of the cross, I see myself everywhere except in the person of Christ and his mother.  I am all of them at times.  I am the reason He carries the Cross and because I continue to be those people, He continues to carry that Cross for me.  He continues to love me and I continue to add weight to his cross.  He keeps saving me and I keep killing Him.