Sitting at His feet

Oh my Lord, I am a failure!  I say everyday how I want to be like you as I sit here in the dark in the church each morning.  I beg you to make my heart like yours, but everyday when I leave here I make the wrong decisions.  I choose to not stand out, to not be brave, to care how other people see me.  I choose to make the choice that makes me look good in other people's eyes.  The one that makes them think of me while not making think I am strange.

I choose to give but not until it hurts.  I give enough to look good but still allow me to have a good vacation every year or a new outfit.  I am jealous of those who spend even more money on themselves than I do.  The funny thing is that I know what I want and I know what makes me happy.   You do.

I crave sitting here at Your feet, my soul needs this.  I crave meeting You out in the world and finding You in nature.  This makes me feel whole and loved, that makes me feel broken and unfulfilled.  Why Oh Lord, do I listen to the world?  Why do I not seek You continually in the people around me?  I could spend my day not thinking about myself, not worrying about fitting in.  I could spend my day in this church at Your feet in my heart.  Grant me Oh Lord that grace today.

I know Dear Lord this is what You tried to tell me once, that this where I was meant to be.  I don't have to sit here physically all the time.  I can sit here mentally and in prayer.