Friday, April 14, 2017

Good Friday - Sitting in Silence

What a beautiful and peaceful way to start the day.  The birds are singing outside and all is quiet here in the church.  All is dark except the light behind the tabernacle.  Thank you Lord for this time.

I love you and want to always be with you.  I want to do Your will, and only Your will.  I want to be small and insignificant in the eyes of the world, but to be Your friend.  I don't need riches or comfort, I need You.  I want that enduring faith until the end and then to be united with you.

Until then I will look for You everyday in those around me.  I know a piece of You is all of them and it my job to seek it and find it.  I will serve You through them.  I will love You through them.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Waiting

I sit here my Beloved with You.  I am such a poor attendant left sitting here with You as your trial begins.  I begrudge the small amount of sleep I will miss sitting here with You who died for me.  Tomorrow I think I should get some great prize for skipping meat and cutting down on what it eat, but You were whipped for me beaten for me and then died for me.  Can't I wait just a bit longer, sit with You as You suffer?

There is no prize on earth for sitting here with You, I hope there is a prize for me in heaven.  I so want to want to suffer for You here on earth, to do some loving deed to prove to You how much I love You.  But I don't do it and by that I do show how much I love the one who is love itself.  I can only do the smallest things for You.  If You ever need me to do something great, You will have do it through me.  I am too weak and afraid.  Only in You can I ever hope to be strong.

How about that, I sit here with the one who loves me most and who suffered and died for me and I say if You want something more from me you have to help me.  I wish it weren't true, I wish I was strong and brave.  I wish I could but when I try I fail, when you help me I can do anything.  I think of the day I was in Rome and going up the stairs that you walked up to see Pilot.  I was about half way up and thought I wished I hadn't started.  Why?  Because my knees hurt, a bit.  Then I thought about You and what You went through on those stairs, what you heard, and I was ashamed.  What I did was so small, nothing in comparison to even what others have done and I almost gave up at a bit of knee pain.

I know I am so flawed, so broken.  Heal me Lord, make me more like You.  You who are all love, all beauty, and all wisdom.  Mold me Lord in your image and make me strong.  Help me Oh Lord to do Your will.