Soldiering On

There are times in my life when something simple will rock my world make me question myself.  If I didn't have God I don't know how I would go on, but He gives me that strength.  In the past I have suffered greatly from mental illness and every once and a while I get a little reminder of what that was like.  In the past I have even attempted suicide.  I got one of these little reminders this week and without my faith and without God to lean on I know I might have started a downward spiral, but God holds me and supports me and allows me to soldier on.  He allows me to use these little insights to have more compassion for those around me who still suffer.  At the Holidays this is even more important.

Prepare the way of the Lord

Yeaterday we started a new journey, Advent.  This time between now and Christmas is a time for us to prepare for the coming of the Lord into our hearts and into our world.  St Francis at the start of his ministry and frequently thereafter took time out to pray and spend time with the Lord.  During that time he not only prayed but he listened as well.  He came out of those time with renewed purpose and new commissions from God.  That is something we should do during Advent.

We spend so much time and effort buying things for others at Christmas that we forget to take time for ourselves and for God.  While you spouse or children or parents may love the things you buy them would they rather have a calm loving you more committed to God and refreshed in you faith?  Wouldn't you?

The Blessed Virgin Mary is starting her journey.  First she says yes to the Lord and then she goes out in service.  Our yes to the Beloved has to involve the same kind of going out to help others.  I would like warn against the kind of service that serves ourselves more than others.  You know what this is, the one time volunteering at a food pantry that is really a great photo opp to be posted on Facebook.  It should be a commitment and like Mary's journey to Elizabeth it should be a bit hard and uncomfortable.  It should move us along on the journey toward God not simply more of the same.  We should also not look for or try to get praise for what we do, otherwise we already have our reward.

As always, start the journey with prayer, listen to what God is calling you to do, commit to it,and end with prayer.  The goal is Christmas, not just the day, but Christmas in our hearts.

Lead me Lord

Oh Lord, show me what it is you want of me!

I feel a call to work for Social Justice but to do it in a Franciscan way.  To preach without words by my actions.  I don't mean by just treating people fairly, I mean by putting myself out there but to try to do it drinking from the well of inner peace that comes from God and to simply stand there peacefully and prayerfully.

I took part in a Black Lives Matter protest a while back.  We prayed, we sang, we hugged, and we prayed some more.  It was so peaceful and beautiful.  At the back of the protest was a group of white supremacists with guns.  We mostly ignored them and the eventually went away.  I hope that at least one of those young men questioned his beliefs about black people that day.  I got a lot of hassle from other people who found out I participated in the protest, I invited them to the next protest to see for themselves and added them to my prayer list.

I pray this is what God wants of me.  To do what I feel called to do and to not defend myself against those who don't understand but to pray for them and love them.  It is so hard, I want to live in God's peace and to have it fill my heart.  I would think that the way to get that is to stay home and pray, to be almost a hermit, but it doesn't seem to work that way for me.  My conscience will not let me stay away.  I wish that I could do more but I am so imperfect and a bit lazy.  May gOd give me the strength to do his will.

Prayer

Dear Lord, show me what it is that you want me to do in the world.  Give me the courage to persevere when I am afraid.  Grant me the wisdom to do the right thing and say the right thing.  Dear Lord, let me be a force for good in this world.  Let me bring your love to all the world starting with my neighbors.

I cry aloud to God,cry aloud to God that he may hear me. Psalm 77:1

Fear and uncertainty kept me awake last night.  This morning I knew that I had to get to Church early to sit with my Lord.  I know that I have to do whatever God asks me to do.  Out of love for others I am called everyday to do things that I am afraid of, not the least of which is teach a class of high school kids religion.  Today I realized in my heart that all the people who did great things in the past didn't do them without fear.  They may have had great faith and because of that trusted God, but I believe that they still had some fear.  So today I realized that you can still  do what God asks you to do if you are afraid so long as you trust in God and know you don't have to only trust yourself.

What will God ask me to do?  I don't know, only He knows the future.  I do know that I am called as are we all to protect the lives of others and to seek justice.  If I turn my back in fear on those who need my help then I am turning my back on the Beloved.  If I watch someone be discriminated against and do nothing then I do the same to Christ.  I may not participate myself in the injustice but if I do nothing to fight it I commit that sin out of omission.

I believe as Christians we are called to make this world better through love.  Can I love someone and watch them be denied basic rights and fair treatment?  Can I love God in all of His creation and accept privilege for my class merely because of my skin color and where I was born?  I don't think so.  I believe God will show me the path He wants me to walk, I believe that path will be a challenge for me, but I plan to obey His will and walk it even if I am a bit afraid.

Election Day

Unlike any other Election Day that I can remember, today will I think mark a change in our country.  My fear is that today we will split between those who win and those who lose.  This election has made me aware that I can be called on to do heroic things to save others from injustice.  I actually think we all are called and not just at times like these.  Now I can't go back.  I know I am called to dialog with people who out of fear and ignorance are lashing out at people who are different.

For me being prolife means that you have to be both against abortion and against raceism.  Neither "side" agrees totally with what I believe.  I have both pray at an abortion clinic and support life from conception to natural death and protect the rights of the living to fair treatment everywhere and if I see unfair treatment I have to do something about it.

If one side wins I am prepared to fight against and march against late term abortions while supporting the parents in their choice for life.  If the other side wins I may be called on to register as a Muslim even though I am a Christian or march against mass deportations.  But no matter which side wins I will support our democracy.  Supporting democracy is in my mind prolife as well.  Only with a strong government can we avoid the chaos we see in other countries.  Just because I support our nation doesn't mean I think it is never wrong and just because it can be wrong in some things doesn't mean it is wrong in all things.

By fighting for the rights of the underprivileged and the marginalized I protect the rights of all of us.  I understand as a white person the place of privilege that I have enjoyed but I know that the privilege I have had isn't necessary if we all have the same rights.  Privilege is only necessary when rights are unequally distributed.

All of what I believe comes from my faith in God and love of His creation.  I have to love, respect, and protect all of His creation.  I have to do this even at my own cost.

Perfect Joy

When I worry about others recognizing how special I am or giving me praise for what I do, I am miserable.  When people treat me in a way I think is unfair, I am miserable.  When I thank God for the gifts he has given me and I give those gifts away freely I am happy.  When I thank God for being chose. To suffer for him, I have much joy.

I know this and still I fret that people don't thank me or consult me.  I feel slighted if someone doesn't compliment me or like what I do.  I need to drink the idea of Perfect Joy into my soul.  I know people who have amazing gifts fromGod that they don't enjoy because they don't feel people appreciate them enough(me sometimes).  Patience is a sign of Perfect Joy and I want that.

Gods Love

I am just a sinner sitting here before God.  I am so small and unworthy of His attention.  Why does Je love me?  I am so imperfect in my own eyes.  Maybe the same reason He loves me is the same reason he loves everyone in the world.  The same reason He loves me, who sins so often and knows I am sinning and yet does it anyway, is the same reason He loves the thief and the murdered and wants them to repent and be saved.

I know that God wants all of us.  I know intellectually that He loves all of us.  I can believe that He loves all His creation and therefore it is all precious, but I know I am a sinner.  I don't doubt Gods love for me, I have seen it.  I just don't feel worthy of it.  I guess I will just have to accept the gift and because of this gift, I have to love those around me that I don't particularly like.

God loves me imperfect as I am, I have to love them because of this.

Unafraid in the Spirit.

I am the least of the followers of Christ.  I know what I should do and instead I find excuses everyday to not do the things that God calls me to do.  I do what everyone does, I go to work, I feed my cats, I talk to my mother, I mow my grass on weekends, but that isn't what God is asking me to do.  God calls us all to be more than ordinary.  He calls us to come out of ourselves, out of our comfort zones, not just to do what our family and friends will admire us for, but what needs to be done.

As Franciscans we follow a mad man, someone they threw mud and rocks at, if no one is throwing mud and rocks at me for the good work that I do am I really following Francis?  I feel ready in my heart to work for social justice but I get in the room with those people who are doing it and I feel stupid, I should just pray at that point and let the Spirit guide me.  I know when I let the Spirit guide me He takes me to places that I never thought to go and my heart sings.  When I am living the life the Spirit calls me and moves me to live I feel alive.

It is so strange, when I let go and let God I am unafraid.  Not simply not afraid but the opposite of afraid, unafraid.  I am bold and full of energy.  People don't always like me when I am living in the Spirit.  When I start to worry about what other people think of me, I start to deny the Spirit moving me and fear comes back and so does worry.  I have to get back to living in the Spirit and allowing Him to animate my life, be unafraid.