Reflections on the Feast of the Holy Innocents - allowing the deaths of Children for political reasons.

This morning as we did Morning Prayer on the Feast of the Holy Innocents it came to me that the deaths of holy innocents is still happening.  We make political decisions every day in our world that cause the deaths of children.  We are all upset over the deaths in Newtown CT, they were definately innocents, but do we get upset over the children who have died in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Gaza etc? Are the children who die as "collateral damage" any less innocent?  If they are innocent what does that mean to us?  Can we really just say that is the cost of war?

If we are Pro-Life I think we have to be totally Pro-Life, cradle to grave, and not just the people we like and understand.  Children killed in poorly constructed schools in China, children killed in Chernobyl, children who die anywhere because it is politically expedient are all part of the continuation of Herod's murderous act.  We are horrified that he tried to kill our Savior by ordering the killing of all the children under the age of 2, and rightly so, but did we cry over the death of 8 children in Syria killed in a tank attack 2 days ago?

I think at times we refuse to let reports of the deaths of children to sink in because if we let all the reports in we would do nothing but cry.  But because we ignore these deaths to protect ourselves we don't take action.  It's easier to concentrate on the anti-abortion stance because we aren't taking part even in a small in the deaths so it's safe for us to think about.  If we think about the deaths of children as part of drone attacks, we have to recognize that we ourselves are in some small way Herod.

Herod killed those children to protect his regime.  Probably in his mind what he did, he did for the good of his country.  How often do we discount the welfare of children to save money on taxes, or to avoid government regulation, to our rights?  When we don't speak up for, protect, or decry the death of children we are in someway responsible for their deaths.

Carrying the Christ child out into the world

Merry Christmas!  Today with all its hustle and bustle is a hard day to find the quiet needed for meditation.  Lucky for us Christmas lasts 8 days in our Church, we have the Octave of Christmas.  That gives us plenty of time to reflect on the meaning of our Savior coming into the world, what that means for us, and how we are called to respond.

I have a suggestion for a meditation.  Read the nativity story in Luke's Gospel.  Find a quiet comfortable space, set the scene in a way that will help you focus your mind.  I use a dark quiet room with candles and incense.  Read over the story once to familiarize yourself with it and then again slowly contemplating each sentence.  Next pray to the Holy Spirit to guide you as you meditate on the birth of Christ.  Close your eyes, imagine what the stable where was born, what does it smell like?  There are animals and hay.  What does it sound like?  Do you hear the animals?  Mary and Joseph are they talking?  How does the air feel, is it cold, or damp, or warm?  What do you see?  Look around in your mind.  Look at Joseph, how does he look?  Look at Mary, what do you see?  Finally, let your eyes rest on the Christ child.  What do see?  How do you feel?  Ask Mary if you can hold Him.  Take the Love of the world into your arms.  Gaze at Him, warm and helpless in your arms.  Sit there for a while just holding Him quietly.  Let go, and the Holy Spirit guide you.  There are no wrong answers here, let go and let God.

Now imagine that He never leaves your arms.  You are to carry Him out into the world.  To every person you meet, you carry Him to them.  What is it like to carry Him to your friends, family, and coworkers?  How do explain, who it is that you carry?  The world is introduced to our Savior by you.  He cannot speak to them, you have to speak for Him.  Or better yet, if you let Him, He can speak through you.  What does that mean for you and how you live your life.  If you hide the Christ child and refuse to show Him to anyone except those who already carry Him, are you doing His will.  Do you get tired and refuse to carry Him?  By your actions, do you show the Christ to be Love incarnate, or a fraud?  As Christians, we are embassadors of our faith to the world.

With New Year coming take sometime and write a few resolutions based on what the Holy Spirit lead you to see.  if you want to you can share some of what you learned in a comment.  May God bless you and keep you.

I am a beloved child of God, and so are you

We had confession tonight at church.  I went with my R. Ed class.  I didn't plan on going to confession because I went last week.  What sins had I committed in the last week?  I couldn't have done much.  But as I sat there I thought first that I hadn't been trusting God lately.  I've been worried alot.

I hit a deer coming home about two months ago.  I had only liability insurance my car was wrecked.  Don't even ask me about the deer, I still mourn the loss of that beautiful creature.  How was I going to fix my car?  How was I going to get to work?  I was afraid to drive and I was beating myself up over what I saw as my failure.  I turned to God and begged for help but I still worried.  The crazy thing is that it all worked out and in the end I even had the money I needed for a repair that came up unrelated to the wreck.  So God really took care of me, but I didn't trust Him enough to not worry.

Why do I worry I thought.  Because part of me sees myself as so bad that I am outside of Gods love.  That I have to be perfect to be loved even by God, and I am not perfect.  The silly thing is that if someone came to me I would joyfully tell them that God loves them more than we can ever imagine.  That if they were the only one who needed saving, He would have still died for them.  He loves them so much it hurts.  And I believe that, but there is still this little dark place in me that is afraid of failing Him.

So, I took both of those sins to confession.  Right now I feel like God has opened up an infected wound.  I feel better and can now heal.  God works in mysterious ways.  I went back to my pew and prayed and cried.  I realized that there are so many things I haven't been trusting Him with.  I haven't trusted Him about my love life or my ministry.  I had never thought of that.  Why am I worrying?  He loves me, I need to let go, and let God.  He loves me, I am worth loving, and even better, He loves me even when I am not perfect.  I don't have to be perfect.

I had been reading some Advent reflections by Padre Pio but I misplaced the book (not being perfect again) so picked another book that caught my eye on St Francis.  Before confession and this realization I couldn't read the next paragraph, it just didn't register when I read it.  After confession I tried again.  It talked about our life on the threshing floor of God.  If we relax and go with God, we are free, and we don't get hurt.  But life is so much harder when we resist and doubt.  We hold on to ground, to our own ideas and resist His loving removal of our chaff.  Wow, that was me!  Holding on to the ground and getting beaten by life.  I want to be free!  I want let go, like at the top of a roller coaster ride, throw my hands up and enjoy the ride.  Quit worrying and trust God.

I know this isn't the end of worrying for me, I am not perfect.  That's okay, He loves me and will continue to call me back to Him, remind me how much He loves me, and to trust Him.  May God bless you and keep you.

Morning Prayer - Further Reflections on Advent

I am very lucky, not only do I live near my church but I have a key so I can get to church early in the morning and pray before the tabernacle.  These mornings are do like Advent.  Sitting there waiting for God, listening for God.  Finally He comes and I am enveloped in Him and in His light

It is a pregnant time, full of so much longing and yearning.  Wanting to see Him, feel Him,and speak to Him.  It is still dark, but I know that dawn is coming.  Others will arrive and we will start the ritual of Morning Prayer.  Morning Prayer something shared, a lot like Christmas.  Now it is quiet and dark and I sit here watching and waiting for the coming of the Savior.  How Blessed is this time!  It reminds me of how much I long for Him.

Today, I will try to carry this feeling with me, to be always looking for Him today in everyone I meet.  Everyone I see has a spark of Him and it is my job to see it, my job to look for it.  I have heard that Buddists spend their whole day looking for the Budda in every person.  They walk down the street saying to themselves Budda?  Budda?  Budda?  We can learn from them.  We know that God is there in each person.  So when I answer the phone today, I shouldn't be annoyed, I am not just talking to someone, I am also talking to Christ.  He is there in each person, if only we look for Him.  And how do we see Him?  We have to look with Love.  I am still working on that.  May God Bless you.

I still believe in life

Today I am reminded that the most important value in my life is one that underpins every thing else in my life.  I believe in life.  Life, every life, is important.  I know that the man who killed all those people had problems in his life.  He must have been very angry or mentally ill, but no matter what, what he did is an abomination that makes heaven itself weep.  Barring mental illness, he is responsible for what he did.  It was his choice, and I leave it to God to judge him.

Why does this keep happening?  Lives are seen as something disposable that can been thrown away to make a statement or when they are inconvenient.  We place the rights of the individual as paramount.  We have a right to treat each other as trash.  We use each other sexually, we cheat on our spouses and throw them away when we get tired of them, we refuse to set up social systems to keep the unfortunate from demeaning poverty.  The people around us are just there for us to use, like we do with the rest of the world.  We consume.  Why are we suprized then when someone uses the lives of the innocent as a way to say what they want to say?

How can we treat any life as disposible?  Life is a gift given to us by God, it came from God and we have no right to destroy it.  Until we resign ourselves to the fact that all life is precious and we have no right to destroy it, or hamper it, or make it not worth living, I fear we will continue to see these kinds of killings.

I pray for all those effected by this tragedy.  For all the parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, etc whose hearts are broken.  I pray for all of us.

Don't be afraid, for your Savior is coming, reflection on the first week of Advent.

I love to walk at night and gaze at the stars.  At this time of year it's even more special because the Christmas lights are coming out and people are starting to set up Nativity displays.  When I walk past each Nativity I stop for a moment and I think about the manger sitting there empty and how Mary and Joseph are looking down at it long for it to be filled.

Today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Today we think about our Mother and how she was conceived without sin so that she could be the ark of the new covenant. I thought how she is waiting for birth of her son. We are all in a sense pregnant with the expectation of the Coming.  He is coming.

He is coming into our hearts, building His home there, transforming us if we will let Him in.  And who are we letting in?  Do we let in the Baby Jesus?   That non-threatening little baby who we can hold and admire who doesn't ask anything of us?  Or are we welcoming the fully grown Savior who asks us for our very lives? I think we usually have to start with that little baby.  Who loves us and just asks to be loved.  But just as a child grows up and demands more of his family so does Christ ask more of us as we grow in our faith.  Just as it wouldn't be normal for a child not to grow, it isn't normal for our faith to not grow.  In fact if faith doesn't grow, it may well die.

But don't be afraid!  He is coming into the world.  He is our Savior and He saves us!  If He is our Savior, we can trust Him.  He loves us so much, he died for us.  He won't ask too much of us.  He wants what's good for us, for our eternal life.

So, I wait in the darkness,pregnant with anticipation, for the Light of the world to come.  I wait to hold the baby that will grow in my heart to an adult faith.  I wait to hear his voice, the cry in the night that will change my life and make me even more myself.

A broken tool in the hand of the Master

I wonder constantly why God calls me.  I am such a faulty tool for his hand.  Everything is a struggle for me.  Life is a struggle for me.  He could call so many others who could a much better job than I can.  I am not a good organizer or a good speaker.  I can't preach, I forget everything and get it wrong.  Yet He calls me, and he asks me to do things I would never want to do myself.  Why does He do this?  Maybe He has already called the others who are better and they refused.  Maybe He calls me to show me and everyone else that if we depend on Him, He can do anything through us.

If I would trust in Him my life would not be so anxious.  I sit here in my house and I have all I need because He takes care of me.  I don't need power or prestige.  I need love, and I need to share that love.  He gives me that.  On my own I would stay isolated and I wouldn't have what I need.  He has given me friends and companions for my faith journey.  He has opened my heart.

What is God calling you to do?  Have you said yes?  If you haven't don't be afraid to say yes.  He loves you, He made you, and he knows what's best for you.  What will make you happy.  Open your heart to Him and say yes.

Advent vs Christmas

The priest at our church is a lovely and very holy man who lives out his faith everyday in who he lives.  Every year he covers our church and rectory in Christmas lights starting right after Thanksgiving.  There are some people who love the lights and some who object to them as participating in the commercialization of Christmas and not giving the season of Advent it's proper place.

We as Catholics are supposed to use the season of Advent to prepare our lives and our hearts for the coming of our Lord and Savior.  It is a time of reflection and prayer and also a time to show our love for God by helping others.  In the world, this time between Thanksgiving and Christmas has become an orgy of spending and consuming.  A time to beat the next person to the best deal on some new gadget.

If the world has forgotten the meaning of Christmas, whose fault is that?  Is it the stores?  The media?  Or is it our fault?  What good is it, in the midst of all the busy shopping and preparation to have our little church be dark?  As people pass by they would not be reminded at all that this time of the year is different. Instead when you pass St Paul's you can not miss it.  It shines like the light of Christ.  It is the lamp what can't be hidden under a bushel.  It is a beacon to remind people that there are still Christians in our world and that we are preparing for the coming of the God of Love.

How can we as followers of the Light of the world honor Advent in our lives?  What are we called to do to carry that light into the world?  If the world has left Christ out of Christmas it is our fault,not theirs.  To often we fail to carry Gods love in our hearts to rest of the world.  We don't practice our faith in the most meaningful ways, by loving.  To truly prepare for the coming of Christ we have to prepare our hearts by forgiving those we need to forgive.  By examining our thoughts and beliefs and purging ourselves of our biases and prejudices.  Christ is coming into our world and we don't know how he will look.  Is he the homeless man who asks us for a couple of bucks?  Is he the immigrant who doesn't speak English?  Is he the single mom who just needs some help to feed her kids?  The answer is that he is all these people.  Celebrate Advent and Christmas not just by not doing but by doing.  Show Christ to the world by how you live and how you love,and just by not putting up Christmas lights.

As always I write this blog more as a reminder to myself than anything else. If you find anything useful in it please let me know.  If you find anything you disagree with, please also share that.

Are works dead? Why do we do what we do?

This question just popped into my head, why do we do good works?  Well first of all it is what we are commanded to do.  Matthew 7:12 contains the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  In John 13:34 Jesus gives us the new commandment to "Love one another as I have loved you".  There are more but in Tobit and the letters of James but these will do.

The Golden Rule is something we learn in Kindergarden.  It makes sense.  Do to other people what you would have them do to you.  It in someway instructs others on how to act.  But on the other hand, if I were homeless and a bit smelly, I would still want to be welcomed in any church, so that means I have to sit next to that homeless person and not complain.  I would also want nonjudgmental help, so that is what I have to give.

We also due good works because Jesus commanded us to, and that's a good place to start.  Jesus commanded us to love one another as He loved us.  He died for us, and He gives Himself to us in the Eucharist.  What does that mean for my life?  I doubt I will be asked to die for anyone.  It means loving people who are in their sin, who don't love me and who I may not like very much.  Jesus can see Himself in us no matter how much we sin, we have to cultivate that gift.  It means going beyond the golden rule and sacrificing our lives for others by giving time, money, and prayer to others.

Is that all?  Our lives are really God's, we have to be open to Him and listen for Him talking to us in all the different ways He can.  Most of us won't be asked to give our lives.  Most of us will only be asked to move out of ourselves and do what we may not want to do.  Witness to our faith in ourdaily lives through how we love others.  Sometimes loving others though means having to talk to them about our faith.  Sometimes I think it is easier for us as Catholics to give someone our coat then to share our love for Christ with our own families.  Can we truly love our families if we don't try to get them to heaven?

Faith without good works is dead.  We show our faith and love by our actions.  If you claim you love your spouse but you cheat on them or beat them, you don't love them, you show your love by your actions.  We show love to God by doing what He asks and by increasing faith in the world by attracting others to God.  We show love and therefore God to the world by how we act towards others.

Is Christ the King of my life?

The kids in my Youth Group always ask for us to help them relate what we believe to their everyday life.  When I think of this beautiful feast day, I think of the cry "Viva Christo Rey!". The cry given by Mexican martyrs in defense of their religious freedoms.  I am not calling for an armed uprising but if Christ is really our King, then we are His army and an army does what their leader says and defends the King.

Do I do what He says?  Do I bravely take up the defense of  His Church?  Soldiers are brave and you have to be brave when your only weapon is Love.  Though one of things I like best about the Harry Potter books is that they maintain that Love is the most powerful weapon in the world.  No matter how hard it is to do we have to fight hatred and ignorance with Love.  Yelling at someone and calling them names will never convert them.  But if we learn our faith and Church history well enough then we can loving defend her.  If we spend time thinking about why we Love our Mother the Church and our Lord then we will feel more comfortable sharing our faith with our loved ones.  The better we know our faith the stronger our faith will be.

Today is a day to think about how we are going to march into Advent and the Christmas season.  Advent is coming of the light.  We sit in the darkness of winter waiting for Him to come.  Now is the time to prepare our hearts and strengthen our faith for the new year to come.  Practice loving this season by forgiving old hurts and reconnecting with anyone we are separated from.  Do nice things for those around us, especially for those we don't get along with.  The ultimate Love is coming into the world, Christ our King, make the ready by sharpening the weapon He gave us, sacrificial Love.

By the way, if you found this blog interesting (or not) or learned anything (or not) I would like to hear from you.

The Love of God is a two way street

God loves us, truly loves us and wants what's best for us.  But how do we love God back?  When you love someone you do things you wouldn't normally do, don't you?  My guy spent the day today walking through all the "girly girl" shops I wanted.  He did once complain or say it made him "uncomfortable".  He just did it because he likes me.   How much more should we be willing to do for God?  Shouldn't we be willing to show our love for Him by working to bring others to our faith?  When I see God, I see Him as all His creation.  He is that teenager who refuses to go to Mass, he is that family member who ridicules you for your faith, he is the adict who doesnt think God can love him.  He is there and I have to love that child, that family member, that friend enough to show them the love I have for them in God.  I still have to listen to the Holy Spirit for Him to show me the right time and the right way, but I can't refuse to share my faith or Gods love. If I do, then I deny Him, and if I deny Him, can I really love Him?

Are we meant to be comfortable in our faith?

St Augustin said our hearts are restless until they rest in You.  But once we are with God are we meant to rest?  I think God calls us to be brave and to move out our comfort zone.  He shows us the way.  Crucifiction was outside of Our Lord's comfort zone.  I was once asked right before Mass to read and I chickened out.  I was too afraid to get up and read and to help out our priest.  He got someone else, but at the moment of consecration, the thought came to me that if He was willing to do that, couldn't I put myself out and read at Mass?

I firmly believe that if I am comfortable and not putting myself out for Him, I am probably doing my will and not His.  My will would involve a lot more solitude and I never would have chosen youth ministry.  For about 2 years I prayed to God for Him to send us a Youth Minister and tried to get others to take the job.  Then one day He made it possible for me to do the job.  I am an introvert and organizationally challenged, not the ideal person for ministry,but I feel God is calling me to grow.

In this Year of Faith we are being called to share our faith with our friends and family.  To think about our faith and discuss it with others.  When I tell people this they say aren't comfortable with that.  Talking to our young people I realize we forget to tell them why we believe and what our faith means to us.  If we don't pass on our faith it may die with us.  The funny thing is that there are those out there who don't think we should have the right to teach our faith to our kids.  They don't have to worry, we are too uncomfortable to do it.  Yes it's hard at first but they more we talk about our faith the easier it will get.  Then we will be ready to take on something else.

A Prayer

Here is a couple more like the one above.

I am small and must remain so. Below others and subject to all, I know nothing and am nothing and I have all I need.

What do I ask of My King and My Master? I sincerly ask for the gift of pouring out my life for others. I wish to be a martyr for You. Everyday let me pour out my life for others. Any small good that I do let the grace from that act be given to those who need it, to stop violence, to bring people back to the faith. Let me, Dear Lord, put myself third, You first, then others, then myself. Please Dear Lord remove all selfishness from my bones and all pride. Especially Dear Lord heal me of my pride. I cannot take pride in doing Your will. Left to myself, I am selfr absorbed and cruel. Self-sacrifice is only possible for me as a gift from You. I would mess it up. Pour me out, use me up, there is so little to use. I know that You will refill me and Oh what Joy! To be filled with Your Holy Spirit! I Gladly give myself away so that I can have you in return. You, in exchange for me, is such a lopsided gift. I run to my cross and carry it gladly. Hang me on it and pour out my life, drip by drop or all at once. I know I won't know if I can in a small way help to save anyone while on earth. I trust in Your promise that it will help.

Wake up! Before our faith and church dies!

Warning!  Don't read this blog if you don't want to be challenged to move out of your comfort zone when it comes to your faith.

I want to run down the aisle at my church screaming Wake Up!  Wake Up!  Where are the children, young people, and young adults, our parish is dying!  Wake Up!  Granted I live in a small town in Texas that believes this is how we have always done it and we don't want to do it differently.  We want to stay a sleep, to go through the motions.  God forbid someone ask them to stand up and say what they believe and why.

Talking to group of teenagers they said we shouldnt try to get kids to go to Mass.  As leaders of our youth group they didn't understand that the Mass was the center of our faith.  To them Mass is boring and irrelevant.  It doesn't relate to their lives.  Why do they feel this way?  Is it their fault?  No, we have failed them.  Do we show in our daily lives that the Mass is the center of our lives?  No.  Are we excited that heaven comes down and touches the earth during the Mass?  I hear that Catholics aren't like that, they don't get exited.  I say bullshit!  And I won't oppologize for offending any one.  We should run down the aisle screaming Amen! Alleluia!  God is here, right now!  This is why we come to Mass!

But we can't have that, people will feel uncomfortable.  They don't want change.  We have to have organ music, we can't have rock and roll at Mass.  We can't have exciting challenging preaching.  We want to stay asleep, to be comfortable.  And as we sleep our children and grandchildren will slip away.  If we are lucky they will still find Christ, but if not, we will miss them in the afterlife.  It is that serious.  If we don't move out of our comfort zone and engage our youth, we risk their immortal souls.  Who knows maybe we risk our own.  If we get to the pearly gates and Christ asks you when did you profess your faith before others, what will you say?  Sorry, my Lord, I wasn't comfortable with that?  Was He comfortable on the Cross?  Maybe try, sorry, my King, that wasn't considered polite?  Did he worry about offending the pharisees?  Wake Up!  Before its too late!  Don't be comfortable.  Be daring, go against the world and proclaim your faith.

ProLife vs Anti-Abortion, or what ProLife means to me

For me being Pro-Life is so much more than being against abortion.  Pro-life to me means being for all human life and for that life to worth living.  It means protecting life by protecting people from abuse and bullying.  It means allowing people to have meaning fulfilling work that pays them a living wage.  If they have emigrate to find that work, legally or illegally then so be it.

What good is it to save babies but allow people to die because they can't afford the medical treatment they need.  It happens today in our country.  I knew a lady who had broken both legs and they didn't heal.  She couldn't work so she lost her minimum wage job and her insurance.  When I met her she was cleaning apartments using a stool to get around.  Her legs weren't life threatening so she didn't qualify for emergency treatment.  She suffered for months before she got help for charities.

I believe that mt faith needs to color every aspect of my life.  For me believing life means being anti-abortion, but also being pro-mother.  If we took better care of one another there would be less abortion, less suicide, and less murder.

I challenge anyone who reads this to examine their lives (including me) to see if there are places in there lives where they are supporting the culture of death.  If you knew your favorite brand of something was produced in a sweatshop, would you stop buying it?  Would you pay more for one where workers are treated humanely?  Is there someone at work that you talk about behind their back?  If you knew how much it hurt them would you stop?  I am far from reaching the lofty goal of being prolife through and through, buti want to try.

Where do we go from here?

So many of my prolife friends friends are so upset by Tuesday reeelection of President Obama.  They are angry that they again do have a prolife president and for those of us who are Catholic it means that we will have to deal this Obama care and the insurance mandate that goes agains of our faith.  I have even heard them say that our country has gone to Hell.

But they are forgetting, that God is in charge.  Then why did this happen?  Why didn't God fix this by letting Romney win?  It would be so much easier that way.  Repeal Obama care, not fight needed, no worries.  But that's just it.  I think god wants us to have to fight.  To show what it is we believe in.  Just think if they repealed Obama care we would still have thousands of people without access to healthcare.  We would be sitting comfortably at home not having to speak up for our faith, not having to explain,our beliefs to the rest of the nation.  We would be comfortable, people would die, and no one would be challenged about faith.  I can see now that isn't what God wants.

This is the Year of Faith and I think our Father inRome knew what he was doing.  He knew we would need to work to know our faith better, to draw closer to God to gain strength for the fight.  We need to remember though that this isn't a fight in the normal sense, this is Gods fight so we fight with love.  We don't fight with angry voices but with the voice of God, the voice of love.  We have to sit down to dinner with them and show them how much we love them.  We love them so much we won't give up. We love them enough to give all we have for them.  While heaping the burning coals of love on their heads, we will win.

Loving myself in God

My Lord, my God, my King, my Savior, help me Dear Lord to follow you today in simplicity.  I love you and wish only to serve You the rest of my life.  I am nothing in the worlds eyes.  I am of no consequence.  Yet You who created all love me and want me to be myself.  I am imperfection personified but You the Savior of the world love me.  I don't have to conform to the worlds ideal of beauty or success.  If the world can only love me if I am perfect but You love me inspite of not being perfect then I want to follow You.  You love everyone and want them to come to You.  I must learn to love them also because You are reflected in them and I must learn to love myself for the same reason.

Competitive Praying or are you really holy if no one else knows?

I admit, I'm guilty.  I sit in the front pew.  I do the things that make me look "holy", because that's what's important right?  That I should been seen to be holy by other peoples standards?  It. True, people should be able to see your faith by looking at your life.  That whole light under a bushel thing.  What I question is my urge to be seen to be holy by empty gestures.  Kneeling, genuflecting, prostrating yourself are ways to humble yourself to God, to show submission.  I think that's why we find them so difficult at times.  On the other hand, I know sometimes we do them just for show or because everyone else is.  That's okay as a starting point but if we never think about what we're doing or we become proud that we are doing them or worse become angry because others aren't doing them then we are missing the point.

We can't be afraid to show the world that we are people of faith.  On the other hand if we wear a giant cross on our chest and gossip and backstab we are showing Our level of faith and are actually proving to the world that our faith has no meaning.  I admit I am guilty of this.  Wouldn't it be great if the symbols of our faith would fall to the ground everytime we made a mockery of them by our behavior?  I would soon learn learn to hold my tongue. Luckily God will never abandon us no matter how badly we behave.  We have to depend our conscience if we ever actually consult it.

The big question I have is this, do I want to get to church early in the morning to be "first" or because I need solitude with God to start my day?  I hope it's because I need God.  I am going to try something.  Instead of getting up eating breakfast getting ready for work and then going to the church where I can be found to be there first, I am going to get up get dressed, go to church for my God time and then go home and get ready for work and go back to church later for Morning prayer.  That way I can be in the real presence of God and no one will see.  I am blogging about so anyone who reads this will know but you don't know me so I don't think that counts.  If I backslide and get there later and later then I know I just wanted to be seen but if I keep doing it without anyone knowing then maybe I am making progress in my spiritual life.

I am a Sinner!

I am a sinner!  And I am confident in what I say.  I rejoice not in my sin, but I rejoice because I know God and I know that I need Him and that He has mercy on me.  I don't have to justify my sins because I, myself, can not keep from sinning.  I can try to do better, but I will never be free from sin until I am united with my Master and Savior.  The best thing is that I know He loves me, unconditionally.  Love, like faith, can not be seen or measured but I have both in abundance.  He is there in front of me and so is His love.  He leads me and guides me.  In Himall is possible.  In Him is all joy and all love and all security.  He takes care of stupid sinners like me!  I wouldn't want to be wise and powerful, I wouldn't want to not need Him.  I don't need anything they tell me I need.  He knows what I need and He gives it to me.

Becoming me

My Lord, my God, my King, my Beloved, help me Dear Savior to become more me. You made me, so whatever I am is good, as long as I am what You created me to be.  Help me, Dear Lord to envision my world, my being, as You created me to be.  How my King should I react with Love at this moment to those who hurt me? Teach me to love myself and not to worry about what others think of me.  Help me to be bold in my love for You and all You have created.  Teach me to love others where they are while encouraging us both to grow.  Show me how to respond to hatred with love.  Help me remember that people's reactions say more about themselves then they do me and I can not change them, only myself and how I react to others.  My King, I know that changing my life, becoming who you created me to be will bring joy and fulfillment to my life.  It will fill my life with color and whimsy, which is how you made me.  You have called me not to be alone and isolated but part of a community.  I know that this means conflict and disagreements but it also means love and companionship.  Teach me not to run away when it gets hard but to realize that the difficulty just shows me it is worth it.

A Beautiful day for Prayer

Today is a beautiful day for prayer.  Not that any day is a bad day for prayer, but today is particularly good.  It isn't hot, the sky is blue,the birds are singing, and there are butterflies.  Butterflies remind me of angels.

My Lord, Mt God, my King, my Savior, my Beloved, it is good to praise you at all times but today it is so easy.  The sunsines and all is right but who knows what tomorrow brings.  Help me Dear  Savior to carry this day in my heart so that I can remember it when my life crowds in on me again and I can't see Your light.  Make my heart steadfast in those times when I feel I am alone so that I remember You are there with me.  Your wind is at my back even when the air is still as long as I go with your will.  There are times like now when I feel You with me, I can almost see You.  In those times when I think I have lost You, You are still there and I am gone.  In the dark of my mind I can't see Your light but if I remember today, I'll know.  I am blind but being blind to the does make the world dark.  

Silly me, how often I forget that closing my eyes doesnt turn off the Light.  I titled my Blog I Believe in Life meaning it to be a prolife blog, and it still is, but I want to expand it some.  I plan to write more about my faith and my struggles with my faith and what it means to my life.  This next year was proclaimed by Pope Benedict to be the Year of Faith and is calling us to share our faith and the reason for our faith.  We should all be prepared to share the reason for our faith with others.  We are going to have to go door to door (thank goodness!) but frankly in having to think about it our faith will be deepened and purified.  Only then can we attract back our brothers and sisters in faith.

Blessed, broken,and shared

A friend mentioned that phrase to me on Saturday, that we are called by the Eucharist to be like Christ and so we are to be, Blessed, Broken, and Shared.  We are all these things but sometimes we are more one than another.  We don't have option to simply stay at blessed and we shouldn't skip to shared without being broken.

In the upcoming Year of Faith we are called to be shared.  While sharing how we are blessed might appeal to us, how we were broken and still had faith may be more powerful to the new evangelization.  How as someone who was broken we were also blessed is probably a better was to attract those who have strayed from the Church to come back.  They need to know that they too have a place in our church family and that we know their pain.

I am broken.  I am a recovering addict who whenever I think I have it all figured out I am reminded that I don't.  I have been clean for 15 years.  Jesus in that ime has become my friend, my savior, and my love.  Without Him I know that I wouldn't be as whole as I am.  Without the Church and it's Sacraments I don't think I could have survived.  As an addit I need Confession, without it shame builds up in my life and I am in danger of relapse.  God is truly my All in All.  Without being broken I wouldn't have known I needed God and in needing God I came to truly live.

Now that I have been Blessed and Broken I am obligated to Share.  I must share my time and talent but I must share also my reason for believing.  That at a time when I was at my lowest I knew He was there and when He knew I was ready he called my name, called me back.  He showed me His love and invited me to join His family.  Like the rest of the family I am imperfect but that just means we all fit in.  We all can enter the door of faith.