Fighting the Good Fight

I miss the fervency I had 13 years ago when I started this journey.  I wish that I could pray all night or fast with such sincerity as I used to.  My faith was such a fire back then.  I prayed constantly, I worshipped God everywhere but especially in Church.  I keep looking back at those days trying to recapture the feels of it all.  It was new and felt so good, I thought I would be a Saint some day.

Now I understand better.  Being faithful to God means being faithful now when it's harder.  Now when He isn't as near, or so it feels.  I have to rely on faith and not on the good feelings.  It is about seeking Him, not only in prayer but in others.  Now is when you become the saint you will be.

Now I have to remember to get up early to make time for prayer, when I used to pray at times in my sleep.  Now is when I have to remind myself that God is in all creation and all people, when it used to come to me in a flash of vision that was before me in that tree or that person.  Now I have to fight for my faith and I fight to win.