Fighting the Good Fight

I miss the fervency I had 13 years ago when I started this journey.  I wish that I could pray all night or fast with such sincerity as I used to.  My faith was such a fire back then.  I prayed constantly, I worshipped God everywhere but especially in Church.  I keep looking back at those days trying to recapture the feels of it all.  It was new and felt so good, I thought I would be a Saint some day.

Now I understand better.  Being faithful to God means being faithful now when it's harder.  Now when He isn't as near, or so it feels.  I have to rely on faith and not on the good feelings.  It is about seeking Him, not only in prayer but in others.  Now is when you become the saint you will be.

Now I have to remember to get up early to make time for prayer, when I used to pray at times in my sleep.  Now is when I have to remind myself that God is in all creation and all people, when it used to come to me in a flash of vision that was before me in that tree or that person.  Now I have to fight for my faith and I fight to win.

Further thoughts on Perfect Joy

What really is perfect joy?  Is St Francis saying we need to accept injustice?  I don't think so Francis fought injustice. His day.  I think it is more an attitude.  We should accept the gifts given to us by God without getting puffed up with pride.  God gives us our intelligence and our talents.  God works through us to do great things in the world.  All we can glory in is our willingness to do what God calls on us to do.  God will shape us into the tool He needs by our experiences, so we should accept those experiences gladly and be joyful in being chosen.

Perfect Joy

Now many times have I read the story of Perfect Joy, understood it as best I could, vowed to live up to it and failed usually within minutes?  Why do I glory in the things that are not mine to glory in and why do I insist on the admiration of those around me?

Do I really want to follow Christ for the love of throne who loves me and saved me or do I follow Christ in the vain hope that I will admired for that?  Do I serve the poor for their sake or for mine?  I know there is no satisfaction in running after the world and its approval.  I fully agree that pride makes me miserable.  I know following Christ where he wants me to go is what will ultimately. Are me happy.  Why, don't I do it?

Do not seek the honors of the World

Lately I have been re-reading the early writings of St Francis of Assisi and the Little Flowers of St Francis with the idea that other people need to be more familiar with these writings.  I however know all that they say and love them and at least thought I was living them.

Wrong, each one has been an indictment on my soul.  In every paragraph I see where I fall oh so short.  I read today about Br. Bernard and how he and the other brothers sought out not the approval and love of the world but it's scorn.  They were scorned not for anything bad but for how they dressed and how poor they were.  They were loving and pious me my thought has been that I should be attractive to the world so they will be attracted to God, silly me.

I show them instead a face and a life that is not a challenge to them.  It looks like them, talks like them, smells like them.  When I am scorned by people for my beliefs I find it very hard, I don't rejoice like St Francis and the brothers did.  Am I trying to fit in for them or for me?  I backed away from those who scorned me because of my social justice beliefs.  I didn't change what I was doing just didn't interact with those people anymore.  That is not what Br. Bernard would have done.  He would have rejoiced in the scorn and bore with it as a blessing from God to keep him humble.

Devine Mercy, more than a prayer

Today is Devine Mercy Sunday.  Hopefully, we have all prayed the Devine Mercy Chaplet at least once this week to remind us of the mercy shown us by God.  However, simply praying the prayer is not enough, we have to live that prayer as well.  That is what prayer can do.  We have prayed for Gods mercy on ourselves because we are fallible beings in need of great mercy.  Because he gives us this mercy we should not be like the servant who when shown mercy has none for his fellow servant, we must give that mercy away and be merciful too!   We have to be both physically and spiritual givers of mercy.  We have to forgive not just with our words but our actions.  God pours love and mercy out on us, we are called to do the same, everyday, in our families, at work, to our neighbors, and to the entire world.  We must be mercy itself.

The Single Vocation

I had an interesting thing happen when I was looking for information on the single vocation.  I ran into an article that basically said if you are not in a vowed vocation you are nothing.  It really hurt me to think that someone wouldn't value all the single people in our church who live their life for the church.  They carry out necessary functions that in the past would have been handled by the nuns or brothers assigned to a parish or another priest.  Today we have so many parishes with one priest or sharing a priest with another parish.

I have found that many priests either actively discourage or don't know about private vows so many of these people might not even know this is an option.  To tell them they have to be a priest, religious or married is an act of cruelty.  I do feel that you can't be half in half out your whole life.  If you are committed to God, with a vow or not, you have to be truly committed.  But if you are living your commitment then that should be honored.  Like other commitments it requires discernment, formation, and spiritual advice from your priest.

Reflections on a Meadow

When I look out into our beautiful chaotic world, I see order there.  It isn't the order imposed by man, it is a deeper order.  If anything the small order man tries to impose makes the world more chaotic and more ugly.  Look at a meadow, how it all works together.  It isn't a jumble of plants, it is an ecosystem that lives in harmony without our influence.  It is vibrant and full of life, everything interdependent on each other.  Life, death, and rebirth.  An animals droppings become the fertilizer for the seed eaten.  That grows into a tree that provides shelter and more seeds to those around it.  Then the death of the tree creates homes and fertilizes the soil.  I see God in that.

When I look at a garden I see our attempt at imitating God.  We impose our limited view of order.  We fail in that we only choose what is pleasing to us. We don't understand His creation fully so our garden needs our constant meddling.  Why aren't we happy with the world the way God made it?  Why do we think we know better?  We struggle against the Love he asks us to show each other as though my love for you will somehow diminish me.  We fear that God will as us to do something that others will laugh at, we think we are afraid of failure but I think that we are afraid more of looking like a fool.  St Francis was Gods fool.  I can't think of a better thing to be.