What is detachment? The easy answer is to say not being hung up on things, status symbols. The hard part is detachment from ourselves. Not just from preferring my own ideas over others (is blue really the best color to paint the living room) but detachment from the results of what we do. To not work for recognition, to not want to see the actual results of the good we do is detachment. We judge our actions on the results we see but God sees the actual results, the things we will never see until we are in heaven.
I can not live my life in such a way as to look like the ideal Christian in my own mind. What kind of a Christian I am depends on how closely I follow Gods will and not how much people think I am a saint. I might look like a failure to them but what matters is what God sees.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
The Wall of my Sin
What is sin and what does it do? I feel my sin as a wall, however thin, that I put up between myself and the Beloved. I don't mean to put it there but it is there still the same. At times I think that I am the one who continues to hold that wall there even He has forgiven me?
What is this wall? It is a wall I put up to protect my selfishness. Behind this wall my actions are all directed towards myself without a thought of how they effect others. My sin hurts myself, others, and God no matter how much I try to deny that.
But God tears down that wall, even if I build it up again. Behind the wall I can't see my faults but I still know they are there and hate them. But the Beloved tears down my wall and floods my soul with light. I see my faults but I also see that those faults just draw me to others. They are there so that I need others and I need God. Perfection would mean I didn't need God or anyone else and would be left with only myself. Perceived perfection or the need for perfection divides me from God and others and leaves me alone to knaw on myself. So I thank God for those imperfections.
What is this wall? It is a wall I put up to protect my selfishness. Behind this wall my actions are all directed towards myself without a thought of how they effect others. My sin hurts myself, others, and God no matter how much I try to deny that.
But God tears down that wall, even if I build it up again. Behind the wall I can't see my faults but I still know they are there and hate them. But the Beloved tears down my wall and floods my soul with light. I see my faults but I also see that those faults just draw me to others. They are there so that I need others and I need God. Perfection would mean I didn't need God or anyone else and would be left with only myself. Perceived perfection or the need for perfection divides me from God and others and leaves me alone to knaw on myself. So I thank God for those imperfections.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Morning Prayer to start the day
My King, my Love, my Joy! Swell my heart, Beloved with You Love. You are love, my King. You are all peace and all contentment. You hold me fast to you bussom, I am under Your care. You my Master, my Teacher give me all I need. Oh how well cared for is you daughter. I doubt at times and worry but you take care of me anyway. I am a fool at times, but still You love me. Help me Oh Lord to carry that love out in to the world. Give me an open and loving heart. Grant me the right vision to see You in all I meet today. Take me in You hand and fashion me as the instrument of You peace. You have given us a wise leader, open my mind so that I may see how to fulfill what he asked of us. How can I personally help the poor and the weak? What can I give up for them? How can I do what is needed to be on Your right hand side?
Monday, June 10, 2013
Rugged Individualism is not Christian
We all need community. God made us this way. My weaknesses are not my neighbors weakness so we compliment each other. As we are being built into the body of Christ my neighbor strengthens me and I him. God made us this way. It binds us together, or it should at least. I know I often fail at this point. I see my weaknesses and then not seeing them in my neighbor I wonder what is wrong with me. My neighbor can organize, why can't I? Because God wants me to form community with my neighbor so I can bring my strengths to my neighbor.
We start out our lives utterly dependent on our parents, family, and community. We get our basic care and learning from our parents. We get more of that from our families. Most of us got our learning and catechism from our community. All of that creates a dept that is repaid by us in doing the same. We come from community.
If God made us this way then we will be our best and happiest in community. It might be painful at first, Sort of like pulling off a bandaid, but then we will heal. If we see our weaknesses and the weakness of others as an opportunity to grow in community then we don't have to hate our weaknesses. If we lean on our neighbor then our neighbor will strengthen us just as we do them.
I am continually amazed at how God knows us and loves us. He knows what I need. Today my idea was not to write but just to meditate silently in His presence. The morning I read a daily email that has an excerpt from the catechism and it was on rugged individualism, then I read two small meditations from Thomas Merton. The first one talked about the fruits of meditation and prayer helping us endure trials and learn to know ourselves better. The second talked about not existing for ourselves and living for others. At times God whispers in your ear and other times He yells. This morning He yelled. I need to learn that my imperfections are made whole in others and theirs in me. We hold each other up as we are built into the body of Christ. I don't have to be perfect.
We start out our lives utterly dependent on our parents, family, and community. We get our basic care and learning from our parents. We get more of that from our families. Most of us got our learning and catechism from our community. All of that creates a dept that is repaid by us in doing the same. We come from community.
If God made us this way then we will be our best and happiest in community. It might be painful at first, Sort of like pulling off a bandaid, but then we will heal. If we see our weaknesses and the weakness of others as an opportunity to grow in community then we don't have to hate our weaknesses. If we lean on our neighbor then our neighbor will strengthen us just as we do them.
I am continually amazed at how God knows us and loves us. He knows what I need. Today my idea was not to write but just to meditate silently in His presence. The morning I read a daily email that has an excerpt from the catechism and it was on rugged individualism, then I read two small meditations from Thomas Merton. The first one talked about the fruits of meditation and prayer helping us endure trials and learn to know ourselves better. The second talked about not existing for ourselves and living for others. At times God whispers in your ear and other times He yells. This morning He yelled. I need to learn that my imperfections are made whole in others and theirs in me. We hold each other up as we are built into the body of Christ. I don't have to be perfect.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Struggling to know and do Gods will in all things
I think one of the hardest things for me is to seek Gods will in everything I do. I am not talking about doing something that is bad or immoral, I am talking about something that is fundamentally good. Something can be good and moral and not be Gods will for me. I know that what God wills for me is what is best for me and that what I will for myself outside of Gods will may not be evil but isn't the best for me.
How do I know what is really Gods will and not just my wishful thinking? So far all I can say is prayer. I pray to Him to show me and then trust in Him that He will. Sometimes I think that what He wills me to do is to struggle and that I learn from the struggle.
Not living life blindly going from one perceived pleasure to another is a truly better way to live. To know that even when I do blunder God will make the best of it for me means that I don't have to live my life in fear of messing it up. If I do mess it up He will guide me back and help me to learn what I need to learn and give me joy again.
Still, it's hard. Is what I want today really what is best for me? If its a struggle is that because it isn't Gods will or is it a struggle because it is Gods will that I struggle and learn? No matter which, I know that he loves me.
How do I know what is really Gods will and not just my wishful thinking? So far all I can say is prayer. I pray to Him to show me and then trust in Him that He will. Sometimes I think that what He wills me to do is to struggle and that I learn from the struggle.
Not living life blindly going from one perceived pleasure to another is a truly better way to live. To know that even when I do blunder God will make the best of it for me means that I don't have to live my life in fear of messing it up. If I do mess it up He will guide me back and help me to learn what I need to learn and give me joy again.
Still, it's hard. Is what I want today really what is best for me? If its a struggle is that because it isn't Gods will or is it a struggle because it is Gods will that I struggle and learn? No matter which, I know that he loves me.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Help me Oh Lord to live each day as a Martyr
I have often thought that I could make the grand gesture of dying for my faith if called upon to. I could give my life for God, but could I give my good opinion for God? Am I willing to look foolish for God? To do or not do what others think is not just right but smart?
How hard is it to be a martyr? If we believe we will go to heaven and be acclaimed as saints which is harder, to live our lives in God everyday or to give up our lives for God all at once? Frankly, I doubt that we would ever be asked to do the second one if we didn't do the first one. The world looks at us like we are fools and even calls us fools to our faces because we don't live our lives like all we have is this life. But even if this life was all there was I would rather live it in the love of God than in emptiness.
A life lived only for myself and my own pleasure would not be a life at all. It would be too small. I want to live my life in love. To live a life in love is to live my life in the Beloved. To live my life in Him is to die in Him, everyday, every moment. Luckily because He is love, when I fail to live in love, He is all mercy.
How hard is it to be a martyr? If we believe we will go to heaven and be acclaimed as saints which is harder, to live our lives in God everyday or to give up our lives for God all at once? Frankly, I doubt that we would ever be asked to do the second one if we didn't do the first one. The world looks at us like we are fools and even calls us fools to our faces because we don't live our lives like all we have is this life. But even if this life was all there was I would rather live it in the love of God than in emptiness.
A life lived only for myself and my own pleasure would not be a life at all. It would be too small. I want to live my life in love. To live a life in love is to live my life in the Beloved. To live my life in Him is to die in Him, everyday, every moment. Luckily because He is love, when I fail to live in love, He is all mercy.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Prayer for an Open and Purified Heart
Oh my Lord, save me from myself. Purify my heart from prejudice, sweep clean my mind from preconceived ideas. Make my faith one that is alive with the logos of each new situation and person I meet. Help me to see the new word You spoke in each person I meet. Open my heart and my mind to all that is You.
Oh my Lord! Thank You for today! Thank you for the beautiful world that greeted me. Thank You for the beautiful songs of praise I hear from the birds and rest of Your creation. Your wind caresses me and brings to me Your perfume from the morning flowers. Oh my King! Teach me to see You in all of Your creation. Open my heart to all my brothers and sisters and let me speak of You to them. Let me speak to them the sweet words You spoke in my heart that set it free. Make me Your instrument and play upon me a beautiful song to call them home.
Oh my Lord! Thank You for today! Thank you for the beautiful world that greeted me. Thank You for the beautiful songs of praise I hear from the birds and rest of Your creation. Your wind caresses me and brings to me Your perfume from the morning flowers. Oh my King! Teach me to see You in all of Your creation. Open my heart to all my brothers and sisters and let me speak of You to them. Let me speak to them the sweet words You spoke in my heart that set it free. Make me Your instrument and play upon me a beautiful song to call them home.
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